


Broken

by Brownie9816



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self harm?, trigger warning for lots of bad stuff??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 20:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10974633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brownie9816/pseuds/Brownie9816
Summary: America misses every meeting for a year and a half, so England goes to his house to check on him. After breaking into his house and finding it in horrid conditions, England gets the biggest shock he's ever had. America, the strongest nation in the world, has been broken.





	1. Broken and Alone

_It was dark. It was always dark..._

 

_He had to fight it. He had to fight back the darkness. Because..._

 

_Why did he fight it?  Because he was the hero?_

 

_..._

 

_No..._

 

_He wasn't the hero..._

 

_Not anymore..._

 

_So, why did he fight it? Why didn't he just sink into it? Let it take over._

 

_It would be so much easier... So much easier..._

 

_If he could just die..._

* * *

 

England growled as he placed the bent paper clip in his pocket and opened the door. As usual, the house inside was messy. However, it was different from the usual. Instead of just wrappers and empty food boxes, there was uneaten food slowly rotting. England blanched at the horrible smell and decided not to go into the kitchen.

This was not at all like his former charge. Sure, America was a slob, but not to this degree. The fact that his living quarters had reached this state of neglect only increased Englands worries. The young nation hadn't been to a meeting for a year and a half now, so England had volunteered himself to go check on him. He did his best to tidy the room, not able to do much without a garbage can.

"America! Are you here?"England called into the house, receiving silence as a reply.

The English nation frowned and moved deeper into the house, shivering as the temperature seemed to drop. Another thing that was unusual. Thanks to the influence of the person living inside the house, the place always seemed to be bursting with energy and life. Now, the windows were dirty or had the blinds pulls down and the only light that was on, the hallway light, slowly flickered then died as England walked past it toward America's room.

England opened the door then jumped back, putting a hand over his mouth and nose. The room inside was completely dark and stank of bodily waste and death. England took a deep breath through his mouth, then stepped into the room, much more used to the smell then even most nations. He searched the wall for a light switch then groaned as he flicked it uselessly. Apparently, the light in this room had long since burned out.

England pulled his shirt up and over his nose and moved across the room, subconsciously staying away from the bed, and over to the other side. He trailed his free hand across the wall and sighed in relief when he found the string for the blind and light flood the room. However, the sigh quickly turned into a strangled gasp of disbelief. Laying on the bed, breathing softly, was America in the worst state the older nation had ever seen him in. He hadn't even looked that bad during his civil war.

His normally soft, messy blonde hair was dark and matted with filth, his glasses were covered in a layer of dust, his clothes were horrendously dirty, his face was drawn with exhaustion even though he was unconscious and England could tell that he had lost weight. The old nation stepped forward, but gagged when he realized the stench was coming from the nation on the bed. England looked over and, by the stains on the bed, guessed the blue eyed boy had been laying in that spot for quite some time. Taking another deep breath through his mouth, England stepped forward and stood silently at the side of the bed. With a grimace of disgust, England forced himself to grasp America's shoulder and shook him harshly.

"America. Wake up."England demanded.

After a second heavy eyelids slowly fluttered open revealing yet another depressing sight. The American's usually lively, bright, sky blue eyes were dull and lifeless, showing no expression as he looked at the ceiling. Slowly, the younger nation turned his eyes to the nation beside him. A brief flicker of emotion passed through the blue depths but was gone before England could catch it. America's lips moved, but no sound came out, so England bent down closer despite the smell.

"What was that?"He asked.

"-O... Away..."America said, in a raspy, unused voice.

"What- Of course I'm not going to leave like this, git! Have all those hamburgers finally destroyed you brain?"England straightened up and put his hands on his hips, glaring despite his worry.

America just looked back at the ceiling and made another emotionless demand."Leave me... alone."

"I'm bloody well not going to leave you alone. Look at the state you're in! You need a bath!"England was unable to keep his worry in, to shocked by the sight before him.

That shock grew when the nation on the bed started softly crying, so much pain in the quiet sounds that England's heart constricted and tears pricked at his own acid green eyes.

"J-just go away... L-leave me alone. I j-just want to g-go already... I don't w-want to be here anymore."America's voice grew louder as he spoke and England stepped back from the bed."Why won't they just let me go? I hate this! I hate being a nation! I hate America! Nobody needs me! Nobody wants me! I just want to die, so why won't they let me go!"

England stared with wide eyes as the tears stopped and dried, leaving tracks through the grime on his face and the pain left his eyes blank once again. England took a deep shuddering breath as he understood. America had given up. England had done the same thing after the revolution, but his pride as a nation had made him pick himself up after only a month. He wasn't sure, but England guessed America had been here since the last meeting he'd gone to.

Which meant he'd been lying in the bed for nearly a year and a half. England grimaced in disgust again and stepped towards the motionless nation.

"Get up."England told him, in the same tone he'd used to wake him up.

When America didn't respond, he grabbed him and forced him to his feet, surprised at how light he was. England held his breath, the stench worse than ever, and led America to the bathroom. England sat the despondent nation on the toilet and turned on the tub, making sure the water was at the right temperature before blocking the drain. As the water rose he began undressing America, not even bothering to tell him to strip. When he finished, he helped him back up and sat him in the water.

England stopped the water and left America in the bath, hurrying down the stairs. He pulled his shirt over his nose again and braved the kitchen to find food. Even though he had barely looked, America's body showed just how bad his health was. He had lost so much weight it seemed every bone in his body jutted out against his skin. England shuttered then looked over the kitchen in horror.

Scattered across the floor were broken dishes and globs of rotting food. The table was tipper over and only two of the chairs were still upright. Any dishes that weren't on the floor were in the sink and on the counter, covered in rotten food. England didn't expect there to be any good food, but he looked through the fridge and cupboards anyways. To his surprise there was a good can of soup along with a few clean pans, bowls and spoons.

After England put the soup in a pot and set it on the stove to cook, he made his way back to America. When he reached the bathroom, his eyes widened in horror as he saw that America had let himself slip under the water. The older nation ran forward and pulled the younger out. When he didn't breath for a few minutes, England panicked and slapped him across the face. To his surprise and relief, America gasps and coughed.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you!? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"England asked, glaring at him.

Instead of replying, America burst into loud sobs, tears streaming down his face. England sighed and began cleaning him. He had to empty out the tub five time before America was clean, but finally England nodded with satisfaction and emptied the water before leaving the room to find America clean clothes. He came back and dried America off with a towel before dressing him in a white tee shirt and old blue jeans. America was still crying, but his sobs had quieted into small cries that made Englands heart ache.

England took America's arm and led him downstairs to the kitchen. He sat him down in a chair and went to check the soup, but was stopped by a hand on his wrist. He looked back to America who wasn't looking at him, but kept a firm grip on his wrist. England sighed again and gently took the hand off his wrist before kneeling in front of America and wrapping his arms around him in a gentle hug. Americas breath hitched and he began to sob again, though it was quieter this time, as England gently ran his fingers through his hair.

"It's going to be okay, love. I'll take care of you."England promised, in a soft voice.

Despite everything that had happened between them, England was determined to keep that promise. England didn't know how the nation before him had been so utterly broken. He was one of the strongest nations in the world and always seemed to be full of life and happiness. He was going to find out what happened to his former brother. Then, he was going to fix him.

* * *

A/N: I posted this four years ago on quotev and figured I might as well put it here. It is completely finished, so you can go to quotev.com/viclean if you don't want to wait. But this is going to be a sort of rewrite, mostly just small lines, so it will be a little different. I guess I'll post a chapter once a week, which means all of them will be up in at least 10 weeks. So, a couple months? Anyways, thanks for reading, and feel free to offer any constructive criticism!

 


	2. Broken, but Cared for

Afterwards, things quickly fell into routine. After England called his boss to tell him what had happened, he cleaned America's bed and left him there for the night. Then, he cleaned the rest of the house, which took most of the night. Despite his lack of sleep, England woke up early and went to the store to get food. When he got back to America's house, the nation was lying exactly where he'd left him.

The next few weeks consisted of England feeding, groom and taking care of America's every need. However, he soon reached a problem. The next world meeting was in London and England didn't know what to do with America. Nobody knew about his condition and, since he'd have to be there for at least a week, England couldn't leave the young nation alone. There was only one option. 

England would have to bring America with him. After thinking it over, he realized that might not be so bad. Taking care of the boy in his own house would be much easier. Especially since England had a room on the ground floor, so he wouldn't have to haul America up the stairs all the time. He packed both their luggage and took them to the door, seeing America watching him with blank eyes from the couch where England had left him.

"Hello, love,"England said, walking into the room."The meeting's in London this time, so we'll be leaving in a moment to catch our plane."

America silently turned his gaze from England to his hands lying still on his lap. England sighed and walked back into America's room to finish packing. When he was done, he put the suitcases in the back of America's car and buckled him into the passenger seat. As he drove to the airport he cursed quietly about driving on the wrong side of the road, remembering when America would've laughed and teased him about being backwards. England stole a glance at the silent nation before sullenly looking back at the road.

The soon reached the airport and, thanks to their status as nations, were quickly lead to the plane. England was glad he didn't have to deal with taking America through the normal procedures, but the broken nation still got strange looks from people and England sent them all a fierce glare, trying to ignore the whispers. On the plane, England place America in the window seat, despite his hate of the aisle, and put their bags in the overhead compartment before sitting down. He hoped that flying would get some sort of reaction, but was disappointed when America continued to stare at the seat in front of him. He settled down in his seat, preparing for an unusually silent flight.

He must've fallen asleep, because when England next opened his eyes, the sun was setting. England stretched as much as possible in his seat and glanced at America. He gasps softy at the sight that met his eyes. America was watching the clouds outside the window with his hand pressed lightly against the glass. England smiled softly, content to watch the young nation until he fell asleep with his forehead resting against the glass. The Englishman softly brushed some hair out of America's eyes before taking his glasses off his face and putting them in his shirt pocket.

When they landed, England woke America and grabbed their things before leading him off the plane. Once again, the were lead quickly through the airport and England smiled happily when his car was brought to him. He quickly put the bags in the back and America in the passenger seat before sitting behind the wheel with a happy sigh. As he drove, he hummed softly, glad to be home.

"You know, your place isn't so bad, America,"England said, half to himself, glancing at America with a small smile."But there really is no place like home."

England heard a small huff, but when looked over, America was as emotionless as ever and there was no one else in the car. Still, England couldn't help the small seed of hope that lodged itself in his chest. Maybe bringing him really was a good idea. Who knew, a change of scenery might help him. England hoped so.

About another hour passed before they reached England's house. It was almost midnight and England was exhausted. He never really had liked flying the way America did. England took their bags inside, then guided the half asleep America to the guest bedroom down the hall. Once again, he helped America change into his pajamas before getting him settled into bed. America shifted around for a moment before finally getting comfortable underneath the slightly musty sheets.

"I'll get them changed in the morning, so wait until then, alright?"England told him.

America closed his eyes in response and seemed to immediately drift to sleep. England smiled and took the nations treasured glasses out of his shirt, placing them on the dresser. Clicking off the lamp, England leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to America's brow. When he straightened, he was surprised to find America gazing up at him with a strange look in his eyes. England blushed darkly and stepped back.

"R-right. Well... G-goodnight, then."England stuttered and rushed out of his room, not seeing the sky blue eyes following his retreating form.

England softly shut the door then leaned against it, taking deep breaths. He placed his hands on his cheeks, feeling the heat from the blush, and scowled.  _If that bloody git hadn't woken up..._ England thought, stomping up the stairs to his room. He changed for bed and lied down, barely noticing the mustiness of his own sheets. Still, he couldn't keep the small smile off his face and he sighed softly, falling into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

The next morning, England was slightly confused to find himself in his own room. As his memories came to him, he shook his head before putting a robe on over his pajamas. When he got to the kitchen, he was surprised to find America sitting down at the table. He must've made a noise, because a pair of blue eyes were suddenly looking at him. Englands actions the previous night popped into his head and he blushed furiously, scowling.

Instead of giving the American his normal morning greeting, England walked to the stove, ignoring the eyes following his every move. He quickly gathered what he wanted for breakfast and began cooking, his hands working furiously. Still, he had nothing to occupy his mind and the feeling of his lips against America's soft skin kept creeping into his head. England shook it, stubbornly banishing the thoughts from his head. He refused to think about it any longer.

* * *

America watched England working at the stove. The darkness had been trying to creep up on him while he was alone, but the moment England came into the room it was like the sun rising and banishing the night. America couldn't help but follow his figure with his eyes, afraid that if he looked away the darkness would swallow him whole. Still, America wasn't trying to get better. He was afraid that if he did, their relationship would go back to how it always was. Not quite enemies, not quite friends.

The memory of last night was also playing, but, unlike England, America let it. He couldn't deny the warmth that surged through him when he opened his eyes to find England kissing his forehead. The situation bother America,though. It was too much like when he was a colony. It was a kind of closeness, but not the kind he wanted.

For as long as he could remember, America had loved England. Sure, the type of love had changed over the years, but it had always been there. It had hurt to rebel, but America had to do it. He knew there was no way to get England to stop seeing him as his precious little brother. Walking away from England had been the hardest thing he'd ever done and he was glad the rain had been there to hide his pain.

For the longest time after, America had though England hated him. When he got an awkwardly supportive letter from him during his civil war, America had thought it was some kind of cruel joke. Still, he had kept the letter in a small chest in his storage room. Then, England came with Japan after 9/11 and America realized maybe their relationship wasn't as hopeless as he thought. Now, it looked like maybe England did care for him.

Because of that, America could never tell the Englishman was had finally pushed him over the edge. He could never tell him that it was his own words at the last meeting that had broken him. He could still remember the ice cold look in his eyes as England yelled at him, telling him he was a useless nation and the he was surprised America hadn't been defeated by some other country. After that, America had gone home in a blind rage and destroyed his kitchen before laying on his bed and letting the darkness engulf him.

He never would have guessed England would be the one to find him. Or that he'd be the one to start caring for him. But here he was, sitting in Englands house as said nation made him breakfast. America let a small smile grace his face, but it quickly slipped away. Even if he was being cared for, he was still broken. The darkness was still there, hovering at the edges of his mind.

 

 


	3. Broken and Wanted

England buttoned his suit jacket then straightened his tie. He looked in the mirror and decided his hair was a lost cause, as usual. Turning around, he grabbed his briefcase and made sure he had everything he needed before walking downstairs. He placed his briefcase by the door and grabbed his keys, putting them in his pocket. He headed to the kitchen and hesitated before walking in.

Once again, America was sitting at the table silently. England wondered how the America got up so early without an alarm clock. If he got up early regularly then England would be very annoyed, seeing as he was almost always late to the meetings. England took a few things out of the fridge and put them in the microwave, pressing the reheat button. Finally, he sighed and turned toward America.

"Good morning, America,"England said, a bit more formal than usual. He didn't notice America's small flinch."The world meeting is today. Are you going to come?"

This time England did notice America's reaction. His hands and jaws tensed and an almost panicked look came into his eyes. He began to shake his head furiously and started subtly shaking. England hurried over to the nation, but by the time he reached America, he had already stilled. Still, England bent slightly an turned America's head towards him, brushing his hair out of his face and discovering he was still tense despite the lack of emotion.

"Alright, love, alright. You don't have to come. It's perfectly fine if you stay here."England told him in a soft voice, continuing to card his fingers through his hair.

To his relief, America visibly relaxed. England took his hands off his lap and looked at them, seeing that America had clenched them so hard he'd left crescent shaped marks in his palm. England softly smoothed his fingers over the skin then gave a small sigh and headed to the now beeping microwave. He took the food out of the microwave and set it in front of America, patting his head before leaving the room. He grabbed his suitcase and spared one last glance at the motionless man before walking out.

England locked the door and walked over to his car, thinking of America. After the admittedly awkward breakfast the day before, England had taken America into the front room and left him alone until it was time for them to eat. England knew it was cruel. While they had been at America's house, England had stayed with him as much as possible, rambling about anything on his mind and even reading out loud to him. Yesterday, he had barely said more than a couple sentences to him at a time.

England knew why. It was because of the kiss.  _Not that it was even a real kiss,_ England though as he drove into the parking lot of the building where the meeting was. He shook his head and got out of the car, preparing himself for the questions that were bound to come. He hurried into the building and to the closing door of the elevator. He smiled in victory, but as soon as he realized who the other occupant was, he wished he'd missed it.

"Bonjour, Anglettere! I can see you are looking as messy as ever."France greeted him.

"Shut it, frog, unless you want me to tear that offensive tongue out of your mouth."England growled.

"My tongue is not offensive! It is very skilled and speaks the language of amour~."France pouted and turned his nose into the air.

"It is offensive. Not only does it spew that drivel you dare to call a language, but is also horribly mangles the England language!"England shot back.

"Moving past your horrible mood,"England glared at him."I have been dying to know. How is our dear Amerique?"

France watched quietly when England's expression turned serious and he lost his violence stance. The self proclaimed gentleman sighed slightly, looking downwards.

"Anglettere?"Frances tone was worried as he bent towards the other nation.

"... I'll... tell you during the meeting with everyone else."England said, not looking him in the eye.

Frances frowned more and stood straight. Now he was even more worried. Had something happened to the American? Or did England want to share the good news with everyone at the same time? Judging by the Brits grim expression and the lack of America's presence, it was the former.

France was silent for the rest of the ride up the elevator, something England was grateful for. He needed to figure out how he was going to explain America's condition to everyone. Of course, it would be easier if he better understood what had happened. America still hadn't told him or even spoken. England wasn't even sure if he should reveal how vulnerable he was in fear that one of the others might take advantage of him.

Suddenly the elevator dinged to a stop, shocking England out of his thoughts. He stepped out with France, both the Europeans keeping their silence as they walked to the meeting room. The room was noisy as usual, but began to quiet down as the other nations watched England and France walk in without fighting. England sat down in his spot and clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, deep in thought. France sat in his usual spot across from him, watching the green eyed nation pensively. As England was thinking, the rest of the nations trickled in and finally the meeting began.

"It looks like everyone's here, so the meeting can begin,"England said as he stood, doing his duty as the host."Are there any questions before we begin?"

"I have one,"All the nations turned their head to the speaker, surprised that Canada had spoken so loudly and was almost glaring at England."Where's my brother? You were supposed to check on him, right? Why haven't we gotten any word about him?"

England sighed at the question. Predictably, the meeting room burst into noise, many nations repeating Canada's question, others having questions of their own. England ran his fingers through his hair, trying to sort through all the voices.

"That's enough!"Germany yelled, causing silence.

"You do not need to worry. I was just talking with Anglettere about this and he has promised to tell us about our dear Amerique."France said, leaning back in his chair and smiling, feigning relaxation.

"Yes, well..."England cleared his throat as everyone turned back to him."To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with him. He seems to have... given up. He doesn't talk or do anything, really, though he eats and such without putting up a fight."

"And how do you know this?"China asked, his brow furrowed.

"Oh, um... I've been taking care of him."For some reason, the kiss popped into his head again, making him blush lightly.

Unfortunately, France noticed.

"Don't tell me you've taken advantage of him in his time of need, Anglettere."France smirked.

"I- Of course not! Why the bloody hell would you think that?!"England stuttered, glaring at the Frenchman.

The meeting continued as normal after that, if a bit subdued. By the end of the meeting, everyone felt it had been more productive than usual. It seemed they got more done without America's energy there to work everyone up. Could America's words about him not being needed be true? England frowned at the thought.

"Even if things get done better in meetings without him, everyone will still want him back."Japan said, surprising him.

"What..."England trailed off, not sure he understood.

"You're not the only one worried about America-san. All of us are hoping he gets better soon."Japan smiled small and England found himself smiling back.

America may not be needed, but he was wanted. He always brought something different with him, even when traveling to other countries. Suddenly, England froze, thinking. He recalled seeing America looking out the window on the plane, heard him huffing in the car and the strange look in his eyes after he kissed his forehead. Could this be the answer?

"Japan! I want you to come to my house!"England said suddenly, clutching the nations hands.

"W-what?"Japan asked, flustered.

England began pulling him towards his car. When they were outside, England explained his idea to Japan. After hearing the story, Japan nodded and agreed. They got in the car and England quickly pulled out of the parking lot, driving towards his house as fast as the law would allow. This was it. This is how he would fix America.

 


End file.
